Gold membership comes with unwanted perks

Starbucks gold card

This card entitles you to a lot of nothing.

My husband proudly displayed his new Starbucks Gold Card to me last week.  He got a cute little letter with it, explaining that he earned this elite status by ordering, let’s face it, a boatload of coffee over the years on his Starbucks card. This is the caffeinated version of the million mile club. This is also the reason we won’t be able to afford to send our kids to college.

Here’s how our conversation went.

Husband: I got my Starbucks Gold Card in the mail today; it’s pretty cool.

Me: Cool, so what does it mean?

Husband: I get all sorts of free upgrades and stuff.

Me: Like what?

Husband: I can get free soy milk whenever I want.

Me: You hate soy milk, so how is that an upgrade?

Husband: I can also get free flavors and syrups and stuff.

Me: You despise flavored coffee. What else?

Husband: I get free Wi-Fi at Starbucks.

Me: Don’t they already give that away? And you don’t really work there anyway, right?

Husband: Why are you dissing them? It’s nice, OK! (Walks out of the room, disgusted with my obvious lack of awe at the shiny Gold Card)

Don’t get me wrong. I like Starbucks. But seems to me like they missed a wonderful opportunity to offer a REAL perk to a REAL loyal customer. Since my husband always orders the same Triple Grande Non-Fat Latte, why doesn’t the Gold Card come with a perk that he will actually use? You know they have the data on that.

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4 Responses to Gold membership comes with unwanted perks

  1. Kate Wicker says:

    It is amazing how seriously men take their coffee status! My husband prides himself on the fact that the coffee that he makes lands you in the bathroom with its aroma alone.

    I do agree that Starbucks has completely missed the mark as it relates to their marketing but in his mind Starbucks has validated your hubby as a coffee drinker super hero of sorts. I am willing to bet that if he flashed that worthless gold card in front of my husband, he would ooze envy and spew out a Christmas Story quote such as, “it’s a very prestigious award”!

  2. Kate, you are right. And I guess at the end of the day, all people want to know is….”do I matter.”

    So Starbucks has, in fact, validated my husband’s existence. Yes, honey, you matter.

  3. Mike Wicker says:

    Oooh … I didn’t even know they HAD a Gold Card (he said enviously). I bet it’s very shiny.

    But flavors and syrups and soy? Oh my. You’d think there’d be a separate VIP room in the back for Gold Card members. Maybe I’ll suggest that.

    Or maybe I’ll call your husband and suggest that we combine our purchasing power and try to get a Platinum Card or something. And then – we could form a club to include different types of discounts and honors offered at other coffeehouses too! Yeah, it’ll be just like other online discount sites like Groupon or Weforia. But ours will be more focused – for guys that like coffee and want better perks. We’ll call it “Men Aggregating Coffee Honors Online”. (MACHO)

  4. OMG, Mike, I love MACHO. You are brilliant and must create that group ASAP!

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